Reactance

In everyday life

A teenager told to stop seeing a friend starts spending even more time with that friend.

A sign in the park says 'Keep off the grass, no exceptions,' and you suddenly feel an urge to cut across the lawn, though you never wanted to before.

Why your mind does this

Keeping our freedom to choose and our standing in a group protects us from being exploited or pushed out. Sticking with what already works, and avoiding choices we can't undo, limits the damage of a bad call. These habits likely helped people get by in small groups, where losing status or making a costly mistake could be serious.

Its family, in 30 seconds: Autonomy & status

How to spot it

Ask whether you want this thing for itself or because someone said you can't have it.

What you can do

Restate the request in your own words as a choice you're free to make, then decide on the merits.